Newly Bereaved
You are not alone
The members of The Compassionate Friends understand the pain you are experiencing. We have walked in your shoes.
No one can be prepared for the death of their child, whether sudden or anticipated. You may feel that life has little purpose, and you are searching for reasons to go on.
Life may never be the same again. You may well be a different person to who you were before your loss, but you will survive.
There is no right way to grieve. We all have our own special, individual relationship with our child who has died.
What you may feel or experience
Mind
Your memory may suddenly become clouded and you may be forgetful.
You may find it difficult to make a decision, or follow a thought through to a conclusion.
You may fear you are going crazy.
There may be an endless loop in your mind, running through what has happened.
You may constantly question your values and beliefs.
You may place impossible deadlines on yourself but find it difficult to function.
Emotional
You may feel hollow, as if something is missing from your inner soul.
You may feel emotional pain as if someone is stabbing you in the heart.
You may feel depressed and saddened that something very important and precious has been taken from you.
You think you would have willingly changed places with your child.
You yearn to tell your child of your love, or thoughts left unsaid.
You may be filled with anger, guilt, and shame.
You may feel anxiety, fear, helplessness, bitterness, betrayal, frustration, or resentment.
Physical
You may cry, sometimes to the point of finding it hard to breathe.
You may have problems sleeping or sleeping too much. Even when you have slept you may feel exhausted.
You may disregard your health and stop taking care of yourself.
You may experience anxiety and panic attacks.
Your appetite is either gone or you may find yourself overeating.
You may experience unexplained physical pains and symptoms.
Social
Others may say things like, "Time will heal", "Be strong", "Try and be happy", "You will get over this", "You will get closure", “God has a plan”. Generally, they make these statements with good intentions, because they don’t understand. You may receive them as being insensitive or unkind.
You may want to talk about your child – but it makes others uncomfortable.
You may find yourself being hypervigilant and overprotective of any surviving children, not wanting to let them out of your sight.
You may struggle to focus on other family members when you are barely coping yourself.
You may find relationships in the family become strained as each person grieves in their own way.
You may find some of your friends find it all too difficult and fade out of your life.
Things you used to enjoy may now seem meaningless.
Smiling, laughing, and thoughts of pleasurable activities may bring about feelings of guilt.
New friends may come into your life who understand, because they've been there themselves.
Some words of wisdom
Sometimes you may have to remind others that you need to grieve in a way that feels appropriate for you. Let them know sometimes there is nothing they can do except sit with you in your sadness.
All newly bereaved need reassurance, empathy, permission to grieve, and time. There is no time limit on grief.
While The Compassionate Friends offers support, you may need to reach out and seek professional help to deal with your loss. Talk to your doctor about this.