President’s Message

I am so very grateful to the group of volunteers that spend endless hours searching, proofing, and adapting articles for this magazine.  I have not met anyone yet within the membership, that hasn’t found value within these pages, but the work in creating such a publication is huge.  My limited involvement might mean I cull various lengthier articles to fit within the word count of each page – but at the same time, it gives me the opportunity to read so many inspirational stories of survival from parents, grandparents and siblings that have lost loved ones and are prepared to share their experiences, in an attempt to help others.   Each and every one appears resilient, at least that was the word that comes to mind – but is that the reality, is that my reality, have I become more resilient after my loss?  And I’m not sure that I have, or that the word “Resilient” truly encompasses how I feel.

 In the face of grief, we often hear words banded around like, “Resilience” (a strong, speedy return to the original, after being bent or compressed), “Overcome” (to get the better in a struggle or conflict, to prevail), “Recover” (to get back, to regain) and “Control” (to maintain influence or authority) – suggesting that grief is a monster that we should fear, battle, fight against and ultimately prevail.

But grief is more: it is adaptive, it is an injury to the psyche and the soul and as painful as it is, it is the way our psyche can heal.  Just as a wound to the body heals via the new generation of tissue, so grief is the natural yet anguishing mechanism and allows and invites the deepest part of ourselves to heal and to grow – albeit with the scars to tell the story.

So instead of terms like resilience, overcome, recover and control, I consider that my own story might incorporate other words, words like “Fortitude” (mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity or danger, especially over a long period), “Bear” (to carry and endure), “Courage” (to have the mental and moral strength to deal with something that frightens you), “Transform” (to change in form, appearance or character).  This feels closer to my reality. 

I am a very different man and grief has changed me.  Changed me to a point that old friends now see something very different, that they don’t recognise or know how to deal with, whilst others understand and accept – without question or need to try and recapture.  It’s a long journey for each of us, but a journey that we share together and can understand.

I hope that my thoughts resonate with some of you and that you’re reassured that for each of us, the journey may take different paths, but each of us tread on the same squelchy ground.

Hugs to you all.

Chris